In my lifetime I have lived in many places. I was born and raised in California. Yes, I know I am a California girl, through and through. For the last 27 years I have been back in California so, thus far, the majority of my life has been lived walking this land.
Yet, for several years I didn’t live here. I lived in Illinois for several years. It was a land that for some reason I never quite fit in with. It didn’t awaken my heart and soul. Some of the people did but the land does not call me to return, now or ever.
I lived in Oklahoma. It is so beautiful there, red clay everywhere. I have sad memories there as it was a place that I hemorrhaged and had a miscarriage. I lost my first child there. St. Mary’s hospital. A place I will never forget. The land though does not call me. I have never yearned to return. Maybe because the memories aren’t so great?
I lived in Alabama. I absolutely, truly 100% loved Alabama. Everything about it, I loved. I felt at home there. I could walk lookout mountain a million times and never, ever get enough of it.
I guess I am truly a mountain girl when it comes right down to it since that seems to always be where I leave my heart. Somewhere on a mountain. I lived in a little town with a big name. I loved everything about it there. For years I thought that I would return there to live at some point. Who knows, maybe, but honestly I don’t see it happening now.
I still love it there but it just doesn’t call me like it use to. I can’t explain it because it makes no sense to me. Maybe it is just because I am not the same person I was when I lived there and I doubt that I would fit in there anymore. No matter though the point is that I love the land there and that land loved me back for several years. It was home. My song for many years was “Sweet Home Alabama” and even now when I hear it, it makes me smile and remember good times and not so good times.
I lived in Wisconsin after my divorce. I always felt at home there. It just felt right. I never intended or wanted to leave if the truth be known. The people were good people and the land spoke to me.
This really hit home for me a few months ago when a friend of mine sent me a video of “beautiful Wisconsin” and my heart began to yearn. It yearned for the land. I wanted to explore. I wanted to find a lost friend among the trees. I wanted to find a river to go sit by so I could listen to the birds, feel the water flow and just be. I could feel the land pulsate under my feet and I wasn’t even walking it. It is the first time in a long time that a land has made me yearn to know it again. I am planning on going back to get reacquainted very soon. I don’t know if it will be where I land when my trip is complete but I know that I have been called to return.
There are so many beautiful places in this beautiful country we live in. I believe that when we live somewhere we leave a part of our being there and we take a part of the land with us in our soul.
I have lived in the mountains for the last eight years. I tried to leave a little over a year ago and my mountain called me every day. I cried almost every day because I needed to return to find my peace within. This land is sacred. Many tribes of Native American’s lived and worked these mountains long before I ever came here. If you stop and listen you can still hear their voices. The trees sing a beautiful song when the wind is blowing and when the snow falls I feel complete and utter peace. This has been home and this is where my soul has grown and grieved. A part of me will always reside here and this mountain will always reside within me. We have become friends and it has brought me strength and love more times than I can count. We have an agreement now. It is time for me to leave. It is time for me to move on. I will take a part of it with me and in my heart it will always be home but I no longer belong here. The mountain has given me all that it can give me and in return I have honored it and loved it and given all that I have to give.
Packing and stacking the things that I am taking with me on my trip has made me stop and think about the places I have been and the places I am going. Will I find a place that makes my soul sing? Will there be a land that calls to me so strongly that I just can’t see myself being anywhere else? I truly believe I will and when I get there I will know it. Will the people matter? Of course, but ultimately it is the land that will call. It is the land that will fill my heart and welcome me home. I know this. I feel this deeply. I am trusting Spirit to guide me where I need to go and at this moment in time the only place that I have a deep yearning to go to is Wisconsin. I have people that matter to me there. Yet, more importantly that tiny little video awoke a deep yearning to return. Maybe all I need is a visit to reconnect. Maybe not.
All I know, in this very moment, is that the land is calling me. Where I land is not nearly as important as the land that calls my heart and welcomes me with open arms and says.. this is home. That is where you will find me at the end of my journey, the place where the land calls me. What land does your soul yearn for? Will you listen to it’s call?
In Her Service,