My Ocean



I have said it many times, I was raised here in Southern California. I grew up in Escondido. A few miles down the road is the beach. There are several, take your choice. Once you get there you can pretty much drive for miles and see nothing but the ocean. I have loved it since I was a child.

Growing up I spent my weekends with my surfboard and the ocean. I remember getting my surfboard on my 13th birthday. I loved surfing. I miss surfing. Before I had a surfboard I would go with friends and I would use theirs. My parents always took us to Moonlight beach and that is mainly the beach I remember from my childhood. To say that I love the beach is the greatest understatement that any one person could ever make. I would live at ocean’s edge if it were allowed. It holds my heart.

As an adult I have found my greatest solace at ocean’s edge. I can go and sit for hours. I can sit and just listen to the waves lap against the shore. I can sit and look at the vastness of the ocean and it fills me with wonder.

I remember going to the beach with an old boyfriend it was nighttime when we got there and the moon was full. I didn’t care I needed to go to the edge. I got to the edge, fully dressed and found myself standing waist deep in the ocean staring at the moon. It was truly the most wondrous thing I have ever seen in my entire life. The boyfriend stood there laughing and telling me to get out. I stood mesmerized. I couldn’t move. My heart was right there, where it needed to be, and it would never be the same after that. The moon was glorious and I gave no thought to my clothes, to any danger, to anything other than I was enfolded in the ocean’s arms and at that moment nothing and nobody else on earth mattered.

To me, the ocean has a hypnotic way about Her. I go to Her edge and all else ceases to exist. To this day it makes no difference if there are a million people there or just one, it is just me and my ocean.

Over the years I have found that the ocean is a place that makes me weak when I am strong and strong when I am weak. She makes me weak when I am strong because She shows me that she is all powerful and within a blink of an eye can take a life with no struggle. She makes me strong when I am weak because when I am standing at Her edge I can feel Her strength and She will take my pain, if only for a moment. She brings me hope, always. She shows me what strength is, always. She fills my being with a sense of love that I find in no other place.

There have been two trips in the last six months where I would go in to my ankles and find myself further and further in. The first time I was up to my neck in water and could have easily dived in and just swam until I couldn’t swim anymore. It was cold but I did not feel the chill. Yesterday I was ankle deep and before it was over I was waist deep. Once again I could have just kept going. She would have gladly taken me in Her arms.

Yesterday was a trip to say good-bye to the memories I shared at Oceanside beach with my husband. It was more than that though. It was a trip for me to say good-bye to my ocean. There are no words for me to use to describe the love I have for the ocean. I am a believer that She resides within me along side the stars in the sky. We are connected to them all and I never have enough ocean time.

I have not surfed in many years but every time I am there I want a board. I want to get on that board and paddle out. I doubt I could pull myself up anymore but I could be surrounded by Her beauty and hear Her voice.

For me there is nothing better than feeling the sand between my toes, hearing the waves crashing to the shore. It soothes my soul. It fills me with an energy that I can’t quite describe.



I always take an offering. I always stand at Her edge and talk to Her. I thank Her for all that I am. I thank Her for all that I have. I thank Her for all that She has given me over the years. The solace when my tears flowed, the energy of Her waters when I needed healing, the beauty of Her just being, the vastness that makes me feel so small.  She is truly a beautiful part of this earth and no matter where I go She is with me and within me.

Yesterday I walked Her shore one last time. I told Her that I was leaving and I didn’t know when or if I would be back. I told Her that I would find Her in a different state and although She would not look the same She would know it was me and I would know it was Her. I thanked Her for all of my memories on Her shores.

As I got ready to walk away I heard Her call me. I went back to Her shore and started to walk in. I got to my waist and I just stood there. I was in another place and another time. She was there. We were one. She expressed Her love to me by making the waves a tad bit bigger. I drew closer in and then She told me to be safe and to never forget Her. How could I? She is a part of me. For that moment we were one. I said good-bye with tears in my eyes and a heart filled with love. She is my ocean and I will never forget Her. She will always be mine. We will always be one and with that one more good-bye, one more heartbreak is complete.

In Her Service,


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